Haiku #16, Lettuce

Little lettuce leaf, lies limp between sandwich bread. Lovely, but useless.

Haiku #15, Waiting

Cookie-baking wait. Are they done now..or now..now? wait...how about now?

Poem

Lucky for some, but unlucky for others. Fate kisses some, but others it smothers.

Haiku #14, Missing

I took apart my brain, then put it back together...I think I lost a piece.

Haiku #13, Bacon

Bacon in its Pan, Sizzling O Poetry! Breakfast's Finest Song.

Haiku #12, Nuts

Caramel apple heart, a sticky sweet condition- you just attract nuts.

Haiku # 11, Printer

Why no work printer? Some persuasion do you need? You see baseball bat?

Haiku #10, Haiku

Must write a haiku, won't get lunch till it's done, oh hey-look *munch* *munch*

Haiku #9, Possums

I hear possums squeaking, furry plots and nutty plans, must stay vigilant.

Thought of the Day

I am actually rather hot. I think September is broken.

My Friday Night...

I am now going to eat crap and watch a movie. I am ridiculously excited about this. Ridiculously.

Haiku #8, Paper

Blank peice of paper, reflecting judgemental white, you're kind of a jerk.

Haiku #7, Sprinkles

Sprinkles on cupcakes, are essential elements, like wings of angels.

Haiku #6, Birds

Two pretty birdie, trilling their high-pitched love songs, my headache throbs on.

Hallelujah!

I finally got the internet to work properly.... I sacrificed a stack of blank CDs and did a ritual connectivity dance. All is well again. Just in case your internet bums out, you have to sing a binary chant in the ritual, it goes like this "0000001, 0000001, 0000001, 00000011"- like the binary solo in Flight of the Conchords.

Haiku #5, Writer's Block

Tricky writer's block I need a calculator Haikus involve math.

Haiku #4, Flossing

'To make flossing fun I summon murderous rage And strangle each tooth.'

Haiku #3, Candle

'It smelled so lovely Flickering candle so close Hot wax on my nose.'

Haiku #2, Milk

'Life is too damn short I drink straight from the carton ...oh God it's all chunks!!'

Haiku #1, Scissors

I'm going to start adding some more poetry to make the page more interesting (and to make me seem smart). Hope you like 'em! :D 'Sharp pair of scissors Did I offend you somehow? I'd like my thumb back.'

The Last Cookie

There is one cookie alone on a plate of crumbs. Come...join your brothers, into the black abyss.

Thought of the Day

I can't get websites to load for me now. Oh god, the internet is shunning me! Unclean, unclean...

Time Out for Paranoia!

My stomach hurts. What could it be?

• bowel obstruction!
• mega colon!
• cancer (duh)
• internal bleeding!
• diverticulitis!
• gas!

Weather Report

Oh my. The sky is REALLY ANGRY right now. How have I angered you, oh rumbly, flashy one? You know, weather's a real jerk sometimes.

BABYDENTUREZ tm

If you love your baby so much, why haven't you bought him some teeth yet?

Things That Impress Me

1. Back flips. I have the utmost respect for people that do back flips. They truly are the superior humanoids.
2. Cats with dancing skills. Because I don't have any.
3. People who write mad wicked songs. If I could, I would too. EG Paul Macartney, John Lennon, Adele, James Morrison, Freddy Mercury, Missy Higgins, John Mayer, Alex Lloyd & even Van Morrison. Hate his voice, love his lyrics.
4. Confidence. If you can be confident without being arrogant or snooty, that's righteous.
5. Dudes with style. If you can be yourself and be happy with that, congratulations. You are awesome.
6. Extreme sports. It's so easy to hurt yourself or fail at, so props to those who can do it well.
7. People who are changing the world with music, like Bob Geldoff, Bono and Coldplay. Even Amy Winehouse is doing her bit for drug awareness :)
8. Novelists. They are soo committed and dedicated. I'll stick to short stories.
9. People who can chug Maccas milkshakes without spewing. Haven't met any yet, but I'm still lookin'
10. Musicians. I'd love to be able to play the piano or guitar...or my harmonica. Percussion is pretty dull.

Ode to the Toothbrush

Got nothing to do? Write poems about inanimate objects! I did.
Oh toothbrush,
you are so pretty and new,
so great to use.
Oh toothbrush,
how you keep these teeth of mine
so clean and nice.
Oh toothbrush,
I could not live without you
or I would get...
gingivitis.

NO SMOKING...

...unless you are on FIRE!!!

Subject: Tired

Woke up really early this morning. So. Tired. Seriously considering propping eyelids open with toothpicks. Should probably just have another Diet Coke instead. I have also found the cure to my all-day headache with judicious application of caffeine and chocolate chips.

Marv the Mole

Hello again, loyal cronies. I have recently started drawing lots and lots of REALLY random cartoons, which I call 'Marv the Mole'. Kudos to Ashlee for coming up with the name, but if you guys have any other suggestions, I'd like to hear them. At some later point in time, I'm going to make a new blog for all of my wonderful creations.
Until then, I'll keep you up to date on all of the goss from Loserville Australia, population:ME! No one wants to live with me, so I live alone.
Buh-bye my lovelies!

Mercury, my Mercury!

As my friends will know, I have recently aquired a golden lab puppy. I love him. His name is Mercury and he's the cutest little bugger ever- much better than Caitlin, but then again, that's not really a great acheivement. Merc likes to sit on feet and eat flies, much like me :)
The moral of this is. . . I LOVE my puppy!

My HOMIES r kewl!

My friends are awesome. I don't know what I'd do without them. We hang out, act like idiots (but who's acting), tell jokes, fall over, crash into things, laugh at people (not everyone, just the 'popular' people at my school- they're so fake) and do other stooped stuff.
Now I will tell you about each of my dorky friends. They are also Peachy Tinklement's friends -except Eleanore Blairwitch.
Rachel- sports mad, boy crazy, total IDIOT (but in a good way) and a good listener. She likes singing, running, flirting, heavy metal, song writing and being annoying. She gets a bit upset sometimes, which isn't good coz she's awesome.
Caitlin (the Tolsma)- is a total freak, like CRAZY freaky. She likes drama, being a genius, boys, laughing hysterically and being a total eejit. She also loves to freak people out- she's good at it! She plays the 'crazy cat lady' in our high-school play. Ha ha!
Ashlee- hmm, what can I say about Ash? Well, she's funny, weird and an awesome actress- she's also in the play. She does a wicked gingerbread man voice. Eleanore Blairwitch scares me.
Travis- is one cool dewd. He likes acting, Weird Al (who, by the way, is the funniest guy EVER!) and stealing my drinks- yeah, Travis, I remember!Tripod and other comedy/musical thingies are also high on Trav's list of coolness. He's funny in a kind of 'I know where you live' way. Lavernius Superpuch is also pretty awesome.
Justin- sk8r dude Juzzo likes heavy metal, skateboarding and possibly cow-tipping. We both live outta town a bit, so we are considered 'country bumpkins', whatever that means. He knows all about the bad things kids do 'round here, like roof-rocking and something to do with boxes.
Annie & Sophie- I put these two together coz they're never apart. Both luurve the boys, looking fly, disco/80s music, make-up and dancing. Annie and Soph are soo funny, but in a kinda weird but good way. If you were to look inside Annie's locker, you're bound to find something rotten. Seriously, it's gross, but funny. Once she found a banana in her lunch- it was black!!

If any of you happen to be reading this, haha! I put you guys on my blog, suck!
: )